Monday, December 13, 2010

Life is a video game

This plus that equals ReeeLiife3dRAMA 

In my opinion, when I was a kid in 1995, our generation experienced the most revolutionary and original game consoles/games since Tetris. Nintendo 64 and Playstation were created. And when I say Nintendo 64, I mean Nintendo 64, and when I say Playstation, I mean Playstion 1, not 2, 3, 4, 8, 579, PlaystationMini, or PlaystationVenti.

Then came the Xbox and all of his minions....

….which lead to the inevitable Wii....
…..............which then spiraled into Kinect.....Kinect???? Are you serious??? The Wii was bad enough; graphically it was just as stimulating as Virtual Boy, plus or minus a few colors. While the Virtual Boy only provided a 2 color experience, red & black, it provided (mmm, claimed to provide) a 3D experience. Lovely, lets sacrifice the color, but enhance the depth...that's almost as brilliant as what Microsoft did with Vista, let's sacrifice the speed, but enhance the depth (of the problems, that is). I’ve already said this before, it's a rather pointless endeavor to make something that's real, even more real. It's impossible. It's like saying “let's make Dostoevsky the most depressing author to read!” He's dead, you can't reach him.

Today our world, that is your world if you don't do anything about it, released a “new type of gaming experience.” That's right folks, as if Wii & Kinect wasn't enough, we have added a few more spelling errors, a dash of acronyms and a nonsensical idea: ReeeLiife3dRAMA.

How do I explain what this new gaming experience is like....hmm....
Take Kinect, take the Sims, then take some drugs, and you have...that...thing over there, the aforementioned stupidity. Somehow “they” have manage to inject a video game into real real life. I didn't actually hear about the unveiilng (the double ii is a tribute to Wii) of RL3DR, I, uh, experienced the unvaileng (the spelling errors are a tribute to Kinect).

I happened to be on the metro when out of nowhere the train jolts to a stop. Over the intercom I hear that this train has been hijacked. Next, a SWAT team enters our train-caboose and starts shooting all over the place. People were shot and bleeding. I started crying. The metro started up again. I peed in my pants. The SWAT team stays. I crapped in my pants. Looking through I window I see..Harry Potter..on a broomstick? He waves and takes off faster than the speed of the metro. What the frick?

After about 30 mins. of this caveman's chaos, the SWAT team personnel take off their helmets and introduces themselves with names like: Gamer4Life, HaloIsDead4Ever, TripleTroubleGayMurr58, etc. What kind of a professional police force is this with names like these???

Turns out they're not police, and the people they shot aren't dead and the blood they bled was..virtual?

If things are making sense right now, that's ok, I haven't quite figured out myself how this “virtual life game” thing works.

Regardless, this “new type of gaming experience” is like Kinect, except the “real world” is their virtual platform on which the craziness happens. It's really weird, but we've managed to pull it off. It's like The Matrix. Yup, that's what it's like.

So that's how Microsoft unveiled ReeeLiife3dRAMA.

Speaking of which, how is the Kinect doing in sales? I couldn't help but notice their oh-so-typical- Microsoft approach to advertise their products.

These are definitely actors here in this Kinect ad, their excitement is clearly not being derived from the amount of fun they are having playing this fake-version-of-real-life console, their joy is coming from the exorbitant amount of money Microsoft paid them to act like they enjoy the thing. Like creator, like creation: Kinect makes you feel like it's real and Microsoft's money makes the actors feel as if they enjoy Kinect. Yup, just the way Microsoft does things, it doesn't actually solve the problem, it throws more money at it, giving the illusion of a solution...Microsoft, we will never forget what the Vista operating system did to our nervous system.

Whereas Kinect doesn't offer you blood when you get punched, broken limbs when you fall, or death when you die; ReaLife3DRama is the whole schweppes in a bottle, in a can, it's in your life!

Take a look at the finishing motto on that Kinect ad: “The only experience you need is life experience”
...and what better way to get that real “life experience” than by prancing around like a fool in your living room? How about chopping some wood? (with an ax not a chainsaw) The last 10 seconds shows the creepy camera with one green eye peeking at you... “i never sleep,” it says...
...creepy creepy.

Remember the last time we allowed a webcam operated by a foreign entity to be placed in our living room? If a school was creeping around with it, do you really think a corporation has noble intentions of placing a camera in the epicenter of every home in America? I'm not a conspirator, but let's Kinect the dots folks, I think Wii know what we're getting ourselves into. Global Absurdity.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Passion over Pressure

Don't worry young one, life only gets harder...
and harder....and harder...kind of like these rocks.
Or are they kidney stones?
Annotated Bibliography

Murray, Charles. "Are Too Many People Going to College? — The American, A Magazine of Ideas." Business, Economics, Culture, and More — The American, A Magazine of Ideas. The American Enterprise Association (AEA), 8 Sept. 2008. Web. 06 Nov. 2010. <

The author Charles Murray, the W.H. Brady scholar at The American Enterprise Institute, delves deep into the tangled mess of opinions regarding the usefulness of the B.A. degree in this 12-page article appearing in "The American", the journal of the aforementioned institute. This article is the result of his extensive research on this sensitive topic and is abbreviated from his book “Real Education: Four Simple Truths for Bringing America’s Schools Back to Reality”. He answers the worrying call of most all students who are in pursuit or thinking of pursuing a B.A. degree with concrete data spanning from academic performance percentiles to percentages of actual college graduates; he translates what these numbers are revealing about the B.A. system so prized in "class-driven America".

He evaluates the effectiveness of the B.A. as a measure of competence and although he agrees that certain professions (medicine, law, physicians, scientists, engineers) require a rigorous system, he argues that most other professions holding the vast majority of American employment do not have need to have the B.A. as the entrance ticket, as it is only referred to once in the interview (the fact you got it is enough) and never brought up in the office.

In addition, he values the intrinsic rewards of being a successful "electrician" without a B.A. over being a mediocre personnel with a B.A. He is not shy to suggest the possibility and reality that there is a life and successful world outside the B.A. requiring monopoly. Consequently, recognizing what an individual is really strong in plays an important role in determining whether or not one should even try the college route. He makes his point very clear by encouraging potential B.A. pursuers to throw out averages found on the Bureau of Labor Statistics website. The essence of his article is summed up in the following example he gives: one who ranks very high in all the areas that are necessary to be an electrician but ranks mediocre and average in all the areas that are necessary to be a manager will, in effect, become a top electrician but a mediocre if not below average manager. The earnings average of B.A. and non-B.A. holders, which is overly relied on by guidance counselors and parents alike, shows that this person will earn much less as a non-B.A. electrician than a top level B.A. manager. However, these averages are not to be applied to this individual as he has the ability to become a top ranking electrician and if he goes the B.A. route will, at best, become a mediocre (if not below par manager). The earnings of these two positions is strikingly attractive. Using these same labor statistics, this individual will earn twice as much as a non-B.A. top level electrician than as a B.A.-holding mediocre manager.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Blog Responses

Please pick one.

It is rare to find people who see through this facade. This post really exposes the superficiality of the myth of 'consumable happiness' in contemporary America (and soon to be found in the whole world). As a native born Russian who moved to America right before the collapse of the Soviet Union, I know firsthand what went on behind the Iron Curtain. I believe what you wrote about youth in America applies to all people in America. I find it interesting that what Soviet Russia did to it's people, America did the same; except the effects were inversely related. What you wrote here is seen in both Communist and Capitalist societies:

Assimilating oneself into an external image of the good life – and submitting to a collectivity – is a perfectly ordinary form of alienated existence in the existing society.

Communist Russia united the people but alienated the country as a whole from the outside world, Capitalist America united the country with the outside world but it alienated it's people from each other. Soviets are propagandists, Americans are advertisers. Our bureaucrats wanted you to buy into an unrealistic socialist ideology, their businessmen want you to buy into an empty dream.

We called ourselves Communists, they call themselves Consumers. What is it in the end but an instructional slogan from the bureaucrat/businessman for how he wants you to behave? Nothing is different. Out propaganda was simple. Work hard for the country because the country is based upon millions of you. This propaganda is simpler. Work hard for yourself because millions of you are the base of the country. In the end Russia's communism united it's people from within but alienated itself as a country from the world, America's capitalism united the country with the world but alienated it's people from each other.

Just by reading the comments that people leave on this post (and the rest of this blog), Lander has truly struck the narcissistic nerve which 'white people' deny they have. It's kinda like wisdom teeth, everyone has em, but we don't need em. And if you don't get rid of your 'wisdom teeth' (this is 'white people' mentality which includes but is not limited to: being convinced you're unique, vulgar display of ego boosting grandstanding, self-serving concern for the poor; to name a few), then you will miserably embarrass yourself because your crooked teeth (your speech, figuratively speaking) will clearly show you haven't removed the narcissist nerve that we all suffer from.

What Lander was getting across in this post is the ridiculous self-righteous pump-me-up feeling 'white people' get from doing something as 'grand' as buying/driving a dumb car. Do people really think that this 'grand' gesture is doing anyone any good? What is this world coming to....probably the only good the prius brought is less noise pollution, as it's really quite, but then again pedestrians can't hear the thing so it's even more hazardous to humans because they can easily step in it's path while crossing the street/parking lot, because they can't hear it coming.

Speaking of 'better mileage', the prius does not get that much more gas mileage than most oldies. My 1999 ford escort gets 34 mpg, just 11 miles shy of the prius....from 1999 to 2010 it took 11 years to get 11 more miles out of a the one who believes that this a superb development Chris, who commented on this post put it, someone who “eat[s] bugs from your mate’s hair and dying at 23. Loser.”

So, Christian Lander is not attacking the 'good things' that 'white people have given you', but rather, he is attacking their fickle and self-justifying mindset that dupes them into buying these overpriced not-that-much-more-environmentally-friendly trinkets. It appears you still have your 'wisdom teeth' as you did not see the essence of his blog.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Giving Birth in China

It’s actually cheaper to give birth in china.  Pregnant women all across the world fly to China, give birth in a factory-like hospital, and are home just in time to cook the evening meal.  Just about everything is made in China, now we've added giving birth to that list.  Woman are ushered in and placed on a conveyor belt which then goes through an assembly line of doctors and nurses who hand deliver the babies, wash, and swaddle them back to their mothers.  By far, China has been really good with delivering the world's babies as their quality is so much better due to the fact that everything is hand delivered.  China was the greatest exporter of babies birthed this past year, which attributed to 15% of it's GDP.  In some countries, machines deliver the little ones, although cheaper and much more efficient, there's nothing like the help of a real doctor.

Finally, at least one thing that is made in China lasts a lifetime.

3D is everywhere

That's right folks, Hollywood was right in saying 3D wasn't a fad and that it is here to stay.  Avatar proved it's potential and Clash of the Titans, well, ruined it's reputation.  Our world now has taken those 2 examples and blended them together to get an even consistency of the highly unnecessary & unjustifiably expensive.  It's not a fad alright, it's fraud.  I mean, how can you make anything more real than it already is?  We have managed to do so.  Consumers don't mind paying the extra money (which is also printed in 3D) to do the following in 3D:  read a book, watch a movie, or listen to music, all the while munching on a 3D taco (don't ask me how, keep reading).  When i left 2010, 3D (in movies) was the craze.  A generation later, look how far we've come, here are a few things i noticed that are currently in lovely 3D:

  • printed text: magazines, novels, textbooks  (pop-up books are for kids, pop-up text is for adults)
  • braille (...i don't understand how this is possible...)
  • pens (are double tipped to make this possible)
  • billboards (makes driving even more distracting)
  • stock market price projection boards  (i don't think they're making it any easier on themselves)
  • traffic signs  (there's no excuse for speeding anymore)
  • money  (is now printed in 3D as a security measure)
  • product packaging in Wal-Mart  (shopping without your 3D glasses is practically impossible and a waste of time)
  • music: mp3D (splits sound waves & unites them via special earphones giving you a fuller listening if our ear drums weren't enough)
  • food (the flavors are so much more intense! is going to the bathroom)

It appears our future ancestors have grown tired of the 1-dimensional world and made it 3 times more difficult to navigate through.  Please save me from this place.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Trio: Paper 1

This is sort of what we did.

Hэлло Woялd

I find this world to be absolutely hilarious. A realm of absurdities and ironies, it's like walking along a comic strip. I find myself being amused quite often. You come across all sorts of people, policies and fanatics.

When I came to this country I was 2 feet tall, now 20 years later I’ve tripled in height. I'm a Berlin Wall Baby, born on the eastern front of that barricade in homeland motherland: the Soviet Union. No wall, immigrant status, or propaganda could stop our family from making a run for it. It was 1989. Screw the moon, the race was for the American border (or any free country for that matter). As we were making our way through middle Europe, it seemed like we were orbiting in zero gravity. Our Soviet citizenship revoked, our passports read: Status-refugee; Destination:_______. We had no where to go and no where to return. We had 2 steps in our emigration. Step 1: get out. Step 2: get in.

I wouldn't be surprised if my parents took a course at the local community college called "C2C: Making the Transition from Communism to Capitalism." It was a shock to learn that you actually get paid for the work you do.

That being said, cars crash, people die, economies collapse, Berlin walls go up and down, dictator's blossom and burn, and crime is in fashion. Welcome to Earth: the most hazardous planet to live on.

In his novels, Dostoevsky is known for putting a handful of crazy characters into one room and watch what may come of the situation. Likewise, it is this model that I will emulate in my blog. Similarly, the Man himself once said something along the lines of "by taking something to its extreme one is able to determine the truth of the matter." Earth is the only planet that is inhabitable due to its atmosphere. It is because of this very atmosphere that keeps living things alive and stupidity thriving. My aim is to sniff out this stupidity, call it what it is, and present the insane in a sanely fashion; all to bring out the truth of the matter.

I've been in a number of disconcerting situations, and they are my favorite kind. I find solace in chaos. If I were to be a CEO and walk into an office and find everyone sitting calmly, I would say to myself "the work here is done! Give me the tyrannical, your problems, your stubborn jackals yearning to break free, the weirdos in your team." I need to solve chaos. I make sense of chaos.

I will not stray too far in the recesses of my mind to bring forth the comedic, satiric, and the absurd, I have not to look far but only that which occurs between the sun and the moon. The world makes a joke out of itself, is self-satirizing, and hilariously absurd. In short, I will create absurd situations and fill a room full of crazy characters and make the following clear: where there are people, there are problems. A room full of idiot’s makes stupidity go round. Can you imagine a world full of idiots...

Naturally the physiology of the human body adapts to whatever environment it lives in. So does our psychological mentality. By surrounding itself with intelligent things, it becomes simply that: intelligent. Conversely, by surrounding itself in base things, it cannot help but absorb and become less than desirable. It naturally adjusts to the pollutants that are afloat en masse media (also known as propaganda).

A recent study indicated that the amount of idiots per million over the years has risen, to toxic levels. There are too many lies in the atmosphere; I am deeply concerned about a worldwide epidemic that is taking place: Global Stupidity.

Please, let's stop using coal minds to extract cheap humor, vile art, and trivial literature. Cheap minds of elementary value only pollute the airwaves; literature, news, music, and art is becoming too hazardous for us to be exposed to.

People think I am funny, however I am not of the same persuasion, on the contrary I think everyone around me is rather dull. I cannot help but interpret and express the world the way I do. Here you will find ideas, people, events and such taken to an extreme. All for the purpose of finding the truth, motive, underlying reason, etc. I have been considered as "being very observant." Let us see.

A kopeck for my thoughts, a rouble for my troubles...

I don't know, but it's true.

Laughter: it's good for the heart, it's good for the soul.

After a frustrated search for a praiseworthy satire/parody/humor blog to profile, I stumbled upon (formerly  It was a good feeling finally landing on a satire blog that has a clear idea of what it is, and what it is writing about.  The blogger of “Funny & Jewish” is not explicitly named, but on his former blog, he referred to himself as “Shylock”.

Shylock is a Jewish male who has a “wife and kids” and establishes his credibility as a Jew in one of the posts, saying “I propose that humor is an integral component of every Jew. It is embedded in our spiritual and physical DNA”, thus, being a Jew Shylock has relevant first-hand experience to the in and outs of the Jewish culture. This gives him the ability to effectively do the following on his own people:  “Satire, Parodies, Jokes & Featured Funny Stuff” (as written in the blog description).

Browsing through his posts, I notice that it is being quickly and constantly occupied by clever observations, witticisms and light humor.  The most recent blog post was 27 October 2010 and previous posts have been made once or twice a month. was not able to locate this blog and using, I determined his fandom.  The popularity of the blog according to as of November 18, 2010:  Funny & Jewish is 5,272,814 in the Alexa Traffic Rank, but is 36,428 in Canada.  Due to it being greater than the 100,000 rank, Alexa cannot provide any further statistical information.  He is gaining traction in Canada and perhaps is picking speed on the global front.

Two of the most interesting and unique blog posts that caught my attention was “We Need More Laughter” ( and “Yellow Pages: Jerusalem” (  Anyone new to the blog should probably read “We Need More Laughter” because it lays out the lifeblood of the blog, which is: here you will find humor, yes you take yourself too seriously, now stop it.  

Shylock’s vision for his blog and personal POV on the world are nearly identical with my own.  It appears that the reason why he started writing this light satirical humor is because he wanted to shake up the stiff-necked and rustle the feathers of the up-tight.  Like him, I also find it hilarious when people take themselves or an idea too seriously, and so, I always make it a point to (whether in speech or written prose) stretch the idea until it becomes so ridiculous and comical, that eventually the “tight-wads” can laugh at themselves.  I do this because I care, I want people to lighten up a bit, and learn how to live.  Shylock is outlandish, but knows that jokes, like everything else in the world, has its borders:  “Don’t get me wrong. Religious Jews love to laugh. But there’s a fine line (I’m told) between funny and offensive...”

To my understanding, this blog is neither scholarly, academic or professional.  Perhaps it may be considered professional in the sense that he may be receiving advertising revenue by writing professionally on a subject he knows best: being Jewish.  His posts are short enough to be able to gulp down in one serving, but long enough to which the subject matter is inclusive of every possible facet of satire, clever, humor.  One great example is in the post “Goliath's Report Card” where a principal writes to the parents about their behemoth son Goliath, recommending “The Army. He’s his own platoon. His love for taunting children with “sticks and stones may break my bones” is music to a recruiter’s ears. Because his promotion through the ranks is a ‘gimmie’ (would you say no?), I am in agreement in recommending a career as a Philistine warrior. Goliath’s arrogance will make us all very proud.” Even Shylock's enemies still need a good laugh at themselves.

He primarily “serves the greater community of 600,000 Jewish root souls” and targets them, although all walks of life can enjoy a good jab at another culture.  This blog will feed my work in that, when I hit a blogger block or any other overused metaphor, the simplicity and directness of Shylocks blog will guide me to sniff out the sharpest satire/humor.

Though we stand on the same ground in our blog topics, my site will differ in the content I will choose to mock.  There is a whole world of people that are begging to be satirized, I will pull out the ridiculousness of the things the “world/society” values, and I will be like a prophet holding up the sign:   “Warning: this will be the past if we don’t stop the future right now.”


The only part of him that isn't white is his hair.

A voice worth listening to

Christian Lander created a blog titled “Stuff White People Like”, a study of upper-middle-class white culture, a comical and clever observational blog for making a path in modern white society.  His voice is that of a scientific observer or sociologist that is peering into a zoo of white people.  Essentially what Jane Goodall accomplished with primates, Christian Lander did with white culture.  His blog has 74,700,125 hits, truly he struck a nerve of conviction people felt and a vein of culture people bled.  His goal is to bring contemporary white culture to its senses and have them living a real life.  Lander accomplishes this by stating observations, such as, white people like the Ted Conference (#134 The TED Conference) only because:
You see white people like the idea of getting smarter quickly, but they don’t like the idea of people thinking that they are lazy. It is a bit of a paradox, but it does explain why white people only like Cliff Notes if they are part of some sort of hilarious college story about last-minute studying for an exam. And why they consider it highly unacceptable to use cliff notes or Wikipedia to get a rough understanding of a book you don’t want to read. 

He sounds as though he is being serious, but it is absurdity wrapped in the fooling guise of ‘scholarly prose’.  As a graduated graduate student, Lander knows how to pull those strings and does it effectively in absolutely every-single-post.  He is so subtle in his approach that a good number of people probably take him too seriously, nodding their heads in agreement, all the while missing the point that Lander is actually satirizing them and not talking about them.

This blog is simple.  The bare DNA of it is: simple.  It is comprised of a list of things white people do, numbered 1 through infinity.  Each ‘thing’ is written about, equating to 1 blog post.  There are a lot of key words of pop culture from Conan O’Brien, Ray-Ban Wayfarers, Bansky, Bob Marley, the World Cup, Facebook, Netflix, Marijuana, and so on.  All these key words help put SWPL near the top of every search, gathering many views.  

His sentence style is simple.  Just the way the ‘white person’ likes it.  A simple sentence with a complicated implication.  His writing is intelligent but concise, with few (if any) grammatical errors in between.  He delivers and pauses at precise moments to let each bullet point settle.  His sentence structure has been strikingly consistent for over 2 years since he first posted #1 Coffee.  Perhaps the only thing that has changed is the length of his posts, they are getting longer and ingeniously descriptive.  The emotions that are conveyed are so blunt that they are mistaken as being genuine, for example, when Lander says,
For many white people, TED Conferences are actually a source of sadness and depression. This comes from their dreams to attend a future TED Conference in person. But with a price tag of $6000 and an invite-only policy, many white people are simply unable to attend. This is a new concept for white people as they have successfully been creating and joining expensive exclusive clubs for over one thousand years. Popular examples include: private schools, politics, and ice hockey.

Lander is clearly being sarcastic, but because he sounds so serious and full of goodwill when he writes, he is able to digress about touchy subjects such as ‘class’ and get away with it.  This is because what Lander says about the ‘white person’ (or human nature) is so unabashedly true that the natural response is to nod in agreement, thinking nothing of what he implied.

The content of the blog is simple: all the things we love to do, and hate to lose.  Currently there are 134 blog posts, each on a different thing a white person likes.  The character of the blog fits snugly into the mindset of a white person: blissful simplicity.  This reflects the character of the character, namely, he knows himself and his own culture so well that he is able to intelligently wrap petty trifles in expensive words.

Simplicity & humor is Lander’s technique to get middle class America thinking about their sham of an existence.

Warning: this is the future

Please prevent the future.
When I first started this blog it was 2010.  I went to bed, and got up the next morning to find the world in a bit of a different place than when I left it.  I awoke with a splitting headache, what a horrible night.  Everything seemed as usual, until I got to the university.  It is 2076 and it is weird, bizarre, and peculiar.  

A bit about myself, I am a junior majoring in journalism, (print journalism) at the University of the Southern Caucasus’s.  This is Darius, and this is the United States of America, though not what I remembered it a night ago.  I had a strange, strange dream last night, very disturbing; and I think it was that dream that propelled me into the future via an outer body experience.  I have just bypassed everything in between now (well, the former now) and what is to be.  I have a prickly feeling that this is the future, and it’s pretty ridiculous what’s going on here.

I started my blog as part of an English class assignment, hoping to show how trivial the things the “world/society” values by means of humor and satire.  Everything’s the same, but in a different time…What Jane Goodall accomplished with primates, I will do with America: 2076.  It is frightening to think that I no longer need to satirize anything because it’s all true.  

I don’t know if the internet is outside of space & time but, by writing this blog I am hoping someone from 2010 will be able to read it, spread it, change what we’re doing in 2010 to prevent God knows what is going on right now!  It’s worth a shot, but I highly doubt it.  But if you read this, please leave a comment so I know that this is reaching you. 

I am like a prophet holding my sign:   “Warning: this will be the past if we don’t stop the future right now"